Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Extraorindary Effect of John Gormley

Gormley = gormless

If you're reading this from outside Ireland, you may not be aware of the misfortune that happened to us last year.
We got three 'Green' ministers.
If they are green in any sense, it is in the sense of being unprepared, unready, naive and plain old stupid.
The first thing they did when negotiating their place in Government with Fianna Fail, was to sell their souls.
This was utterly predictable.
It was like putting Shirley Temple in the ring with Mike Tyson. And yes, I know that Shirley was in her '70s when Mike was champion.
They gave in on the scrutiny of US planes passing through Shannon on their rendition flights.

They gave in on incinerators to dispose of our waste.
They gave in on tax allowances to help people deal with the radon gas problem.
They gave in on the wanton destruction of our - and the world's - legacy at Tara.
They gave in on just about everything except what they call 'the big picture.'
And that's global warming.
True, they have helped alleviate global warming.
Because, just as manure can be used to generate heat, the words they are speaking can do exactly the same thing.
This is not bulls**t.
It's green s**t.
One of their number from the backbenches was talking the other day about how we can all help contribute to ending the threat of climate change.
I didn't hear everything he said.
Because I was rolling around the floor after his suggestion that we wear wooly jumpers instead of turning on our heating and that we become more or less vegetarian.
The only thing he failed to suggest, was growing beards and wearing open-toed sandals.
But what the Greens have done to me this week, is to have me defending China - and that's not a pleasant place to be.
I fully support those who believe Irish athletes - ALL athletes - should boycott the opening ceremony. Politicians who attend will, I believe, bring shame on their countries.
Would they attend an opening ceremony in Zimbabwe or Burma?
Why, yes, of course they would!
But I am defending China because of what the Greens did to them in Ireland at the weekend.
They invited the Chinese ambassador to Ireland to attend their annual conference.
And then they insulted him.
John Gormley, one of the 'green' dopes in our government, deliberately used language he knew would offend the his Chinese guest.
Now, you might say that insulting Chinese ambassadors is fine and dandy and the more they are insulted, the better.
And you might be right.
But Government ministers shouldn't do it.
It's shooting ducks in a barrel.
It's like inviting someone into your home and insulting them.
It's not mannerly.
Gormley was like the cat who got the cream when the ambassador walked out which only goes to show how vain and stupid he is. No wonder spellcheck throws up the word 'gormless' when it comes across the name Gormley.
A notice box is the phrase my father used, I have to confess, about me occasionally.
John Gormley, and indeed his Green colleagues, are pretend politicians. They are in Government because the experienced boys in Fianna Fail think it makes them - Fianna Fail - look good. They think it gives them 'green' credentials.
And it probably does.
But if they don't want to end up at the back of the class, they'd want to put manners on the Green boys soon.
Because if they don't, this will end in tears.

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Monday, April 14, 2008



God, I've been busy!
Doing what?
Well, that's what I've been trying to figure out. I'm not entirely sure.
I know that I've been busy with Charlotte. She was two a week or so ago. And I've been very busy picking up all the toys she got for her birthday.
There are some toys she likes less than others. Likes them less, that is, until you try to pick them up to stash them in the attic or somewhere else that isn't the kitchen floor. Then she loves them.
She's growing up really fast. She's even losing interest in Iggle Piggle and the others in the Night Garden. Moved on to Tom and Jerry if you don't mind.

How long before it's Girls Aloud?
So Charlotte has had me busy at least some of the time.
I've been busy working too. Have to earn a crust. And so I'm doing whatever is asked, and what with work and Charlotte, my day seems too short.
That is to say that it's too short for what I really want to do, what I am, apparently, very good at and what, I am often told, is my full time job.
Grumbling. Giving out. Moaning. Whinging. Complaining.
Victor Meldrew, he of One Foot in the Grave is, compared to me, something of a comedian.
I have noticed myself that I am now complaining about just about everything.
I complain about people with no manners.
I complain about litterbugs.
I complain about the people who rip us off.
I complain about politicians.
I complain about reality television.
I complain about football players.
I complain about shop assistants who chat to each other while you're waiting to be served.
I complain about rude waiters.
I complain about lousy food in restaurants.
But then, so do most people.
The problem with me, is that I complain incessantly about other drivers. How dare they park where I wished to. How dare they pass me out even if I am driving slowly. How dare they have bigger, newer cars. In fact, how dare they use to road.
I complain about shop assistants. How dare they serve other people.
I complain, not just about reality television. I essentially complain about all television.
I complain about young people.
But I also complain about old people, middle aged people - all people.
I complain so much that I think it's become a complaint, a medical complaint.
Most men my age seem to have it.
But mine, I fear, is probably incurable.

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